Surrender? I’m Scared!

The Lord is really realigning some things for me as it pertains to my relationships with others. Heads up for anyone that is seeking closeness to God, the pursuit of the Lord will jack up your relationships to others as you know it and it will be an uncomfortable transition. So much of our relationships are built within the confinements of the world system/culture. Naturally, as you get closer to God, that world system and the lies you believe within it are challenged. The result is a drastic impact on how you relate to others.

In order to continue pursuing God, you must put him and your trust in him at a higher priority than your relationships to others. Suddenly you can’t continue to do the things you’ve always done. Your behavior starts to change. Those changes disrupt the harmony and patterns in your relationships. Your comfort zones are compromised. You know the comfort zone where you don’t tell a friend the truth because you don’t want to start a fight ((oh!! oh!!)) or the one where you do something that you goes against your values because you don’t want to be only one it the group that’s different.

A big part of my problem is people pleasing. On the outside, oh it looks nice. It gets you a lot of praise. Laurence is so kind. She’s always there for others. I’ve even managed to balance it in a way that doesn’t make me look like a doormat but simply, a really great person. But if I follow my people pleasing behviors down to the root, what stares back at is me is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood. Fear of looking selfish. I’m so thankful for these revelations. As the Lord begins to teach me and perform surgery on my heart, my behavior changes. It challenges me to not take the easy way out but instead speak the truth. I’m starting to understand what it means to walk in his truth and love. I’m starting to understand what it means to surrender my relationships to God; to put my trust in what he’s showing me and teaching me. To walk in obedience to what he’s asking me to do even if it goes against the world culture or the habits of my existing relationships. I have to trust that obeying god will work out for my good.

And let me just pause for a moment … those nice little quotes like “put God first,” they sound cute, but in action? to actually do them? is SCAAARE-REEE!!! Recently the Lord asked me to take a break from my closest and best friend. This is someone that makes me feel so good about myself. She makes me feel like an awesome person. She makes me feel needed. She’s a place I can run to and avoid bad feelings. He asked me to take a complete break from her and learn to depend on him for those things. Several weeks into the break, I felt pretty bad. It felt like I was detoxing from a drug or alcohol. I hadn’t realized how much of my needs she met. Now where do I turn to fill that hole?

Slowly God showed me how to redirect those needs to him. In that space, I learned to spend time with the Lord for the first time in my life. I learned to sit down in my bean bag chair, like I would with her and talk to Him. That lesson has been foundational for my 2019 journey. To have a space everyday that is dedicated to talking with God has been life changing. Its a place where he teaches me. He gives me feedback. He loves on me. I never knew it could be like this. I never knew what relationship with God really was. Thank you Lord, you are more than I can take. #overflow

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