The Process of Letting Go
Posted On July 18, 2019
If I believed that the Lord supplies all my needs, would I need ideal relationships to bring me joy? Would I experience so much heartache?
From a young age, I’ve loved movies and music. I watched the stories of love play out on screen. I ingested their images and ideas into my soul. From them I had the picture-perfect view of marriage, parenthood, and friendship I chase today.
But as every single relationship that is important to me in life (every single one!!), has been challenged this year, I found myself asking “What am I chasing?”
You see, at the end of 2019, I was introduced to “the surrendered life.” I read it over and over again and thought, “Yes I can do that. I give it all to you. It is done.” So it’s not a coincidence that immediately following my commitment, all the beliefs necessary to walk it out were put to trial.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I knew in early 2019, God wanted to teach me and refine me in the area of relationships. I was willing, excited even. I purposely started with the easiest of the three; the one I had the least dependence on – friendship. I thought, “Ok, I can let go of what I want in my friendships and still keep my joy”. Thankfully, I found that to be true. I released a lot of my “rights,” and in exchange I received freedom.
But parenthood was a little more difficult and marriage, well, that is the most difficult of all.
I have so many ideas and images – expectations. There are so many lies hiding in my heart. I received pictures of love, given to me by the world system of entertainment.
The Lord is telling me to give up those expectations. They are not a reflection of the love illustrated in the bible. They are based on lies. They are keeping you in a lack mindset; fulfillment of those expectations does not bring joy.
In my mind, I know there is freedom on the other side of surrender. But in my heart, that feels scary. The truth is if I let go of my goals and surrender to the Lord, I am empowered to love with the heart of the Lord. Not a selfish type of love that seeks approval, acceptance, appreciation or admiration. Love will overflow from the abundance of my heart; joy. I know this because I’ve experienced it in other areas of my life. Yet every time I even think of letting go of what I want to receive from my relationships, I cry on the spot. I want it so badly. I am struggling to let go.
So the question goes back to, who provides all of my needs (the need for approval, acceptance, appreciation, admiration) … God or my relationships? Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief.
While I position myself and wait for the revelation of truth to transform my belief and heart, I know it is coming. In his faithful work, I rest my hope. I count it all joy. #deliverance #restoration #imaworkinprogress #imnotthereyet #holyspirittransformmyheart