I Was So Thirsty

After a long, energy-depleting few weeks … maybe months, which consisted of me running around in circles of self-pity, last night I received TRUTH.

32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

He loves me

It wasn’t new information but it touched me in my heart. I was finally, receiving it. I saw how God has been so purposeful with me lately. He’s teaching me and guiding me in a way that proves to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he is REAL. He LOVES me. There aren’t words to describe the fullness of that gift.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

Renewed Mind

Today, I woke up with a renewed mind. I could see more clearly who I am in Christ. I decided to test my position. I wanted to see I was free from the lie or if I could get triggered to feel, “I’m not enough.”

Real Love

Thankfully, the overwhelming, heartbreaking emotions I’ve been experiencing in my “trigger place” weren’t there anymore. But there was a little jealousy still there. “Why does he get the admiration and love I so desperately want from (person in my life)?” What followed was an awesome revelation that complemented what I’d received the night before and confirmed what I’d been learning in the past week. It penetrated my heart in a life-changing way. I know it has only been a couple of hours since I received it but I can see how this truth frees me from the performance-based acceptance I’ve been operating under my entire life. ((in my dramatic voice))

Here’s what I received:

Stop seeking human “love”. Like human righteousness (independent of God), it is as filthy rags. It will not fulfill what you seek. It does nothing for you. It’s never good enough. It’s not authentic; unconditional. Only the love of God is that. It’s the love of God that produces in you the fruit of the spirit (Love, joy, peace). These fruits are what you seek. They are not found in man. The love of God CAN flow through man if man is willing to allow that. But if they aren’t, do not worry. Love is best experienced directly from the source (God). Receiving it through a human is not an advantage over receiving it directly from God.

He went on:

Emotional pain blocks the love of God from flowing. A person feeling emotional pain will not allow the love of God to flow through them even if they desire it because their will to manage their pain (through anger, avoidance, self-protection, medicating) is greater than their will to love.

See the cycle of destruction? Person A feels unloved so they become hurt. As a result person A does not walk in love, instead, they manage their pain. This offends person B. Now person B is hurt and they continue the cycle.

Yet if even one of them stops to see what is happening in the spiritual realm and instead of managing their pain, they go to the feet of Jesus, feel/receive his embrace and allow the Holy Spirit to heal/transform their heart, it kills the entire cycle of destruction.

The person can then walk in the love of God that flows naturally from their heart. Now, instead of performing (kids these days call it Fake Love) in order to get the other person to love them, they can now walk freely in the love of God. They don’t need or expect anything in return.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:8

Broken Cisterns

Instead of seeking the love of God, which is what I truly wanted/needed in the first place, I was depending on a broken cistern for my water when the spring of living water is right in front of me! ((forehead slap))

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
    the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
    broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

Jeremiah 2:13

Thank you, Lord, for the revelation and for refining my faith with your love and your Word.

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